Resolving Lower-Level Disputes and Arguments: 
Get It In Writing

 by Kelly Karius, Conflict Resolution Consultant/Trainer
 www.kariusandassociates.com
 (edited by Fey Ugokwe, J.D., Founder/Editor-in-Chief)

We react to conflicts, such as arguments/lower-level disputes, biologically. Our fight-or-flight response kicks in, adrenaline floods our body, and our blood heads to our big muscles to get us ready to stay or run. As a result, we have less blood in our brains at the time, and can typically come away from disagreements chastising ourselves for saying things we didn’t mean. Some people will forget parts of an

argument, or parts of what they said—but others will actually see red.

Similarly, we react biologically to peace. When we are finally resolving arguments/minor disputes with people, we are flooded with feel-good hormones, such as adrenaline. Think about the last time you began to work well again with someone, and how great that felt!

In working with others, whether on a board, in your family, or in a colleague situation, it is important to approach conflicts and problems from a rational perspective. Develop a definition of the problem that is neutral and can be used to approach the problem in a solution focused way. Keep the emotion out of it. Make sure the problem definition is worded in a way that is resolvable, that will keep the other person’s fight or flight response down, and encourage them to work with you towards a resolution.  Instead of approaching conflicts from a fighting stance, approach conflict using problem definitions like, “We need to find ways to work together that allow all opinions to be incorporated,” or “We need to work to maintain stability in our organization/board.” 

As pivotal arguments/disputes come to a close, it is just as important to remember to write down any agreed-upon remedies or solutions--as it would be if one had proceeded to a formal conflict resolution session, such as, for example, mediation. Sometimes we really are still in that “sing Kumbaya” phase of finally working things out, or seeing red from a disagreement--either of which could cause us to inadvertently disregard the important details. Writing down the current plan that resolves the argument/dispute will simply help to guide the disagreeing parties of their rights and responsibilities, and hopefully minimize any potential future conflict along the same issue lines.

The information contained in this article is for educational purposes and therefore intended to convey the opinion of the author only, and not intended to convey statistical information or advice. Further, the opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of the Publisher. Each state and/or locality may have specific guidelines and/or laws governing the above subject matter(s). Be advised to consult a relevant professional for guidance regarding the guidelines and/or laws regarding the subject matter(s) in your state and/or locality.